


It's so cold out here in your wilderness

by jenniferjun1per



Series: Rebelcaptain ficlets [3]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Jyn and Cassian are bad with feelings, Mutual Pining, Post-Battle of Scarif, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, although it depends on your definition, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 22:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10729050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenniferjun1per/pseuds/jenniferjun1per
Summary: Jyn and Cassian struggle with their feelings for each other.





	It's so cold out here in your wilderness

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt on tumblr: "I wish you would write a fic where Jyn/Cassian don't understand the depth of their feelings for the other until they share a casual hug that slowly turns into a desperate embrace."

“Good shot, Captain.” Jyn limped onto the ship, signalling to Bodhi that they were good to take off.

 

“Well, you lined it up for me. Thanks for that.” he dropped his rifle and gear and came immediately to Jyn’s side. “Here, let me help you.”

 

Jyn let him help her, let him hook her arm around his shoulder, awkward as it was since he was taller than her. She kept her mind on the pain in her injured leg, kept it away from the unfamiliar hitch in her throat that being close to him raised in her. She let him help her to a bench, let him rummage around in the med pacs and apply bacta patches, wincing from his every touch.

 

“I’m sorry if that hurt.” he said, and she let him think she winced from the pain. She let him help her get comfortable for the long trip back to base. By then, it had become too much.

 

“I’m okay now, thanks.” and he knew exactly what she meant. She turned her head away from him.

 

“I’ll go check on Bodhi and Kaytoo.” he managed, and then he disappeared into the cockpit of the ship.

 

The silence his retreat left behind was deafening.

 

\---

 

“... and then it fell! Can you believe it? Dropped right into the canyon. I never saw it again, and I was so sad.” Bodhi dropped his head, pushing his bottom lip out to emphasize the feeling.

 

“Awww!” Jyn mocked him good-naturedly.

 

“Oh come on! Don’t tell me you didn’t have something you treasured beyond anything else in your life, and then you lost it and were devastated!”

 

Jyn laughed. Chirrut and Baze nodded.

 

“See!” galvanized by Chirrut and Baze’s agreement, he turned to Cassian, “What about you, Cassian? Ever love something so much it killed you when you lost it?”

 

A heavy weight suddenly settled on the room, even Baze hung his head and grumbled softly.

 

Cassian downed the last of his caf, picked up his tray. “Sure.” he glanced at Jyn, took his tray and walked away.

 

\---

 

“I respectfully disagree with you, sir.”

 

Every head in the room turned.

 

“I’m sorry, Andor, but it sounded like you said you disagree?” Draven crossed his arms and fixed Cassian with a stern glare.

 

“I do, sir. Jyn-  _ Sergeant Erso’s _ decision was sound, based on the intel we had-”

 

Draven slammed his fist down on the console, causing everyone to jump.

 

“We’ve been over this! Intel or not, the decision was not hers to make!” Draven’s voice echoed in the room, magnified by the tense silence that filled it. “The last time I checked,  _ you _ were the commanding officer on this mission.” he pointed a finger at Cassian, the lines in his face standing in sharp relief.

 

Cassian would not back down. “I trust her, sir.” he said defiantly, and the faces in the room fell in shock. Draven himself was taken aback.

 

“You trust her.” and it was a statement, not a question. “Jyn Erso.” (he might as well have added “daughter of an Imperial scientist” with how much he said her name with disdain).

 

Cassian gritted his teeth, the ire building inside him threatening to explode into the room. It made his palms itch and his head throb. “Yes,  _ sir _ .” he managed to spit out, “I think you would all agree she’s done enough for this Alliance to make her  _ trustworthy _ .”

 

“Trustworthy? She stole an impounded Imperial shuttle and went on an unsanctioned mission, and almost got you all killed!”

 

“She had the courage to do something when you all wanted to hide like cowards!”

 

There were sharp intakes of breath from some in the room, while there were murmurs and nods of agreement from others.

 

Draven only shook his head as Cassian stormed out of the room, without being dismissed.

 

“I only hope those two can figure things out.” Mon Mothma sighed.

 

“Yes. For all our sakes.” Draven agreed, rubbing his temples.

 

\---

 

“So you have everything you need?” Jyn stood out of the way as Cassian loaded the ship, “Med pacs? Extra rations?”

 

“Yes, I think Bodhi loaded those for us last night.”

 

It was Cassian’s first mission without the rest of the team, and Jyn couldn’t shake the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach.

 

“It’s only forty-eight hours, right? Just a simple recon mission.” Jyn was saying it out loud really to make herself feel at ease, although she knew a lot could go wrong in forty-eight hours.

 

“Yes, in and out, we’ll be back in no time.” he stopped in front of her, having loaded the last of the gear.

 

“Good, good.” she was jittery, and she just couldn’t place why she was reacting this way. Bodhi had gone on many runs alone, and she had just patted him on the back and told him to be safe. This was different.

 

“I gotta go, Jyn. I’ll see you when I get back.” he turned away from her, and she didn’t know what compelled her, but she suddenly grabbed his arm. He turned back towards her, his eyebrows furrowed, but the look in his eyes twisted her heart. As if her limbs were moving of their own accord, she wrapped her arms around his neck, meant only to say  _ be safe _ .

 

Once she had her arms around him, however, a strange feeling settled into her. It was freeing. The knot in her stomach was gone, her nerves calmed. He returned her hug, tenderly, longingly, engulfing her, burying his face in her hair. His hands rested on the small of her back, holding her tightly against him. She entangled her fingers in his hair, pressed her lips to his neck.

 

“Be safe.” she whispered into his skin, and he shuddered, pulled her even closer to him.

 

“Always.” he whispered back, his breath hot against her ear. It sent a strange jolt through her body, making her knees wobble slightly. She didn’t want to let go, didn’t want the hug to ever end. She couldn’t believe this was the first time they’d hugged like this, after Scarif. She should’ve done this a long time ago.

 

“Ah, Jyn Erso. I should have known you were the reason for our late departure.” Kaytoo had come down from the cockpit.

 

“Start take-off procedures, Kaytoo, I’ll be up there in a moment.” Kaytoo disappeared into the cockpit, and Cassian reluctantly pulled away from Jyn. They stayed close, Jyn resting her hands on his chest, Cassian placing his palms on either side of her face. His eyes were dark and intense, and Jyn felt a stutter in her chest as he gazed at her.

 

“Come back, okay?” and suddenly she understood Bodhi’s story…

 

_ Ever love something so much it killed you when you lost it? _

 

She could put a name to the feeling now, the fear, the worry, that coiled in her gut.

 

He nodded, his eyes saying everything his mouth couldn’t. He kissed her on the forehead, his lips soft and lingering on her skin, and then he was gone, up into the cockpit to join Kaytoo.

 

She watched the ship depart, watched as it ascended into the pink and gold sky, stood on the tarmac long after the roar of its engines could no longer be heard.

  
  
  



End file.
